Happy happy happy! October 29, 2013

The office has been christened.
No, I didn't spill my Diet Pepsi or anything. I just actually got some real work done there tonight.

I couldn't believe how hard it was to actually get there. Resistance pulled in four different directions but I finally just cut the strings and ran.

A friend came to see the office when I got there, but instead of becoming a distraction, she pulled out her laptop and started working on her own project for an hour or so. Then, when I started to lag, another writer showed up. I thought she'd come for the same, just to check out the office, but she pulled out her laptop and got to work.

What a blessing both of these friends were for me today. Instead of sitting down and staring at a screen, waiting for the worst to happen, for that nightmare to come true where in I stare blankly at the screen and never get around to working, these two reminded me that we're not just messing around here. We're not just meeting for a chat. We're not using the office as a private place to chat and veg. Offices are for work.

And so I worked.
I had an editing project listed for the day, and by gum that's what I did! 32 pages edited today. And little breakthroughs on the story. And a little bit of inspiration about the upcoming editing project.

There was no writer's block. There was no terror. And mostly because I was not alone on this first day of true change.

And then...I came home.
The only work I've done at home is email, and this post. Facebook? You bet. Because it's not like I'm supposed to be working, right?

Right.
I've left the work at the office.
I've come home to find that the smell in the fridge was NOT in fact cauliflower. The cauliflower left the building yesterday and the smell is worse. So I'm going to clean out the fridge now, even though it's 12:30 am. And even though I've already cleaned a bathroom today.
Why not?
It's not like I should be writing right now.

And just like that, the clouds part and Lesli becomes one of the regular people...if only for a little while.

Cheers!

Fire Hoses and Tylonol October 28, 2013

I tried. I really did.
I had the best intentions in the world.
I had a plan.
I got everything off my plate. I suppressed the immediate need for a haircut. I had five hours on my hands and an office waiting. I came dropped off Rock Jr. and came back to the house to shower and grab my laptop.
Then my husband called.
Another medical emergency. Are you kidding me?
Took him to the doc. Ran tests. Not life-threatening, thank Heaven.
Got him home, ran to get meds, fix dinner.
Phone rings.
Baby won't stop crying.
Leave my husband to go sit with baby while daughter goes for pain meds.
Ear infections.
Tylonol and Ibuprofen were inspired by God himself.
Daughter will take her to the doc in the am.
Another of life's problem's solved.

I'm peeing on fires here when what I really want to do is hose the place down, hop on a motorcycle, and ride away. And when I come back, I want the place to be clean, all faces to be wearing smiles, and for there to be no trace of the mess I left behind.

Too much to ask?
Apparently, yes it is.
That is why we have/need fantasy/fiction.
I'm going to call the coast guard and have a novel flown in to rescue me.

But wait!
That's what my own stories used to do for me. They were the perfect fantasies. I wrote them to get away the same way I read to escape.

THAT is my problem. These projects aren't escapism for me anymore. They are work.

I need to turn them back into...chocolate...somehow.

New plan for tomorrow. As soon as The Rock feels like he can take care of himself, I'm jumping in the car and heading to the office, and by hell I'm going to find that fantasy lost between the pages and make them fun again.

Also, Supe and I had a little breakthrough today that we believe is going to help us get our first drafts down with a lot more polish than usual. Stay tuned. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

False Start Thursday October 24, 2013

I woke with high hopes today, but here is what I got done.

I found two free chairs for the office. I took a lamp and a few things over when I went to unlock the doors for the owners. (They still needed to remove a desk and chair from the last guy.) Logan took his crayons and things over to load in the second desk. He's very excited to go work there.

The rest of the day was full of errands.
Phone store again for some details.
Grocery store for some drugs.
Pizza store for some dinner for the wave of kids coming from out of town to help my son unload.
Went home and cooked chicken breasts for the guys who were coming to work out and study. They ended up finding a quieter place to study after they worked out and ate. Who can blame them?
Cooked the pizza, ended up feeding the daughter and family because he got off late and she and the three granddaughters were still here.
Sent lots of pity emails to my husband because he was working until midnight. Big program goes live in two weeks. Sure hope we're still alive to see it done.
So, after all that, I guess it's no surprise I didn't get to decorate/organize my office.

Tomorrow, I think my daughter's going to need some TLC because her leg started hurting tonight because she did too much in the last couple of days. She's not the only one to pay for that, damnit. And "I told you so" isn't as satisfying as you might think.

Upside?
I get to hold a wee bairn a bit through the day. I get to tie sheets around the kitchen table so the 3 year olds can play hammocks. I will disregard the weather and make a pot of soup. And when they all leave, and the dust settles--Oh, wait. They won't be leaving because their daddy will be here to help my son unload yet again.

When the Jews were coming up with the phrase Oy, vay! they should have chosen something a little more expressive.

So, since tomorrow will be more of the same, I'll spare you a post. I'll let you know how I do on Saturday. I'm going to find someone to entertain Rock Jr. and I'm going to head to the office for the day since The Rock will be working until very late again. I'm going to get something major crossed off the list, so help me.

See you on Saturday night.

An Experiment in Separation October 23, 2013

Good Morning Campers!

Now that my roller coaster has come to a complete stop...

I woke up this morning with a happy head cold. Happy I was not going to have any babysitting to do today and happy I could take my son to his day program then come back home for a nap. Then I happily trotted off to lunch with my closest friend, Annie Adams.

In the afternoon, I picked up my son then headed over to sign a contract and pick up the keys to my new office. Yippee! Then I went to the phone store and got a new cell. Both the office and the phone are part of my new Experiment in Separation.

I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself from any earlier posts, but there are plenty of reasons to get an away-from-home-office.

Your mileage may vary, of course, but my reasons include:

I've got offspring moving back into my basement. My youngest son and his wife are getting serious about school and until they get some traction, they'll stay here. That takes up all three bedrooms in the basement=basement is no longer an option for office space, even if I were to be able to stand to be below ground. (I hate basements.)

Secondly, my current bedroom office now has a crib in it for the granddaughter. I tried typing while she naps. It did NOT work. And I tried all week, not just one day. This leaves me no room in the house for a private office.

Another reason I want to have my working desk away from the house is Supe's fault. She got an office 20-30 minutes away from her house. She goes there almost daily, gets her writing in, then goes home. SHE LEAVES HER WORK AT THE OFFICE. When she gets home, it's like...like...she gets to RELAX! She gets to stop thinking about work, about the project, about the characters. She doesn't have to think, while cooking dinner, "I could run in there and edit one more page before the chicken is done." She doesn't have to feel guilty about sitting and watching a tv show instead of plotting out her next story. She doesn't have to look at the clock during a family dinner and try to guess how many more words she can get written depending on when her family members head for their cars.

My husband ruled out buying a small shed and finishing as an office. I ruled out getting a camping trailer. I'm a big girl now. My writing is not a hobby. I do not want to be underground OR have a low ceiling. And I don't want my work haunting me from my bedroom.
Am I asking too much?
I think not.

So I'm going for Normal.

I found an office building near my house that gave me a great deal on rent PLUS a window. I was even willing to go without a window, but I lucked out. I have a lovely view of the mountains thanks to a second floor office window facing east. The room is large enough to hold two desks and a love seat. The main desk I'll use for editing. The small one for new words only. Also, Rock Jr. thinks the second desk is for him. And it will be, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

That's right, folks.
I have a schedule. Just like a normal job. Whoohoo!
Instead of thinking about writing 16 hours a day and maybe getting three good hours in (if you add up all the little pecking I do during the day, on a good day) I'm going to spend about five hours at the office Monday through Friday. And three nights a week, I'm going to go back for more. I hope to get around 30 hours in per week. I start on Friday. I'm going to be realistic and not plan to get anything other than organization done tomorrow.

Tonight I drove past the church and got three teens and one Scout leader (friends all) to come help me load up all the furniture and take it to the office. I paid them and took them for shakes and fries when they were done. They more than earned it. I had some heavy stuff.

Tomorrow's going to be sweeeet!

Oh!
And this is why I needed a phone.
As far as cell phones go, mine was so old my kids groan when I pull it out. They're embarrassed.
But no longer. I got a smart phone. Yes. I'll be holding a small rectangular plate up to my face to speak to people, but apparently THAT's not embarrassing. The true reason I got it, however, was so I don't need yet another computer at the house. I can check email, etc., from this fancy phone. And if I want to get any writing done, I'll just have to go to the office, or break out the Alphasmart or Dragon.

So.
I'm separating my home/family life from my work life. Finally.
And starting Friday, I'll even stop talking about it here. And when I come home, I can focus on the people around me, on the household tasks I never seem to have time for because I'm always TRYING to write.

Still, I wouldn't drop by unannounced.
Hah!

Miraculous News! October 21, 2013

A wonderful turn of events this morning.
Forgive me if I copy and paste my Facebook post, but I'm completely drained and can't type it all up again.
Going to bed early with a happy heart. I'll post something writerly tomorrow, aye?

"LYNDSI UPDATE: Miracles were produced at Davis Hospital today. During the second procedure of the day, they found that not only were the blood clots gone, but her leg had grown its own bypass vein and cleaned itself out. And if that was not enough, the failing vein had also recovered and was working fine. They had expected a leg full of clots the density of glue. The nurses were all but dancing around her bed as they wheeled her into recovery. She will NOT be staying in ICU for 3 days. The meds are working just fine after all. She's coming home. And neither procedure was invasive enough to keep her from going home to her own house. No more torture at Mother's.
We are very very very very grateful for the prayers sent on her behalf. They were golden, baby. God is good."

Sunday, October 20

 It was a party weekend. Real crazy stuff, like dressing up as minions from Despicable Me. My autistic son dressed up as Gru. The granddaughters played the parts of the three little girl. Great fun. A little parade around the street with various whistles and dancing to The Monster Mash. It's a yearly tradition, if I haven't told you that already.

Tomorrow we'll be repeating another tradition, one I hope to never repeat again.
My daughter must redo her leg surgery to remove blood clots that formed even though her blood was dangerously thin. I have no idea what they think they're doing, but I have to trust that they know, that maybe I haven't had it all explained clearly. All we can do is pray.

So today I stayed busy to keep my mind off things. I ran around town collecting tables off KSL.com so we'll have a bunch of tables for our NANO write-in I host at my house every year. We're going to have a whopping crowd and most need a table to write. I'm pretty sure we've got that covered now. That will happen in Nov. 9th. If you want to join us, in the Layton, Utah area, contact me through here or my website, llmuir.weebly.com.

My daughter's dilemma aside, I will be honest and say I am scared to death.
I am afraid I will never get another word written, another word edited.
I open up a file and move my cursor into place, then I can't seem to care about what is already there--at least not enough to change it. And eventually, I click on something else. When it's time to shut my computer down for the night, I realize I did indeed open a word file that day. I save it again, even though I know that nothing changed.

And I promise myself "next time."

I don't even know if the office space will make anything different.
Yes, I plan to write at night. I've planned where I'm going to put the furniture.
I've got it all there, in my head. And I try to imagine myself bent over a keyboard, eyes glued to the screen, mind oblivious to my clever surroundings because I am working furiously to get the next project finished, then the next, and so on.

And you know what I see?
I see myself sitting at the perfectly positioned desk in the perfect amount of lamplight staring at a word document, hands frozen on a keyboard.

Is this writer's block? I don't think so. This feels more threatening than that. I've worked through writer's block enough to know there are certain things that work for me. I just follow the yellow brick road, one brick at a time.

I'm afraid my life won't let me write anymore. I'm afraid I'll never get to put my foot down and demand my writing time because writing time will pale in importance to what I need to be doing for my daughter and her daughters. Is that selfish or what?

I'm also afraid that I've become a terribly selfish person to even worry about such things at a time like this.

But here is the question.

Can we be writers and not be selfish?
Can we be proficient writers and not be selfish?

I had never been accused of being a work-a-holic until I was published. And believe me, the term work-a-holic was never a bad thing. It was always a drive, a work-ethic I lacked, or felt I lacked. So when I finally had a reason, a sound reason, and an actual drive, I felt like I was an over-night success. I'd finally found a way to work and love it.

But now, in the face of real life and real danger, it seems like I've been playing pretend, like I've been playing in an over-sized doll house and my mother has come for me, to tell me I can't play here anymore. And suddenly I realize that none of it was real--when I'd been so sure it was real!

I had another realization today to pile on top of that. I went for a walk. (No more weight lost, but none gained back, even with a couple slices of pizza this weekend.) But as I was walking around the block I realized there were some distinct smells that were actually getting through to me. (No sense of smell for years, then I got a little sense back. Any identifiable smell is a celebration!) But the thing I realized was that I was absolutely compelled to figure out the best way to describe those smells on paper so that someone reading it could smell it too.

You see? I am a writer. I can't stop from being one. But what if I never get the chance to write them all down? What if I forget? What if I never smell them again and thus, never remember what I was going to say?

You see? Terrified. Of everything.
So I'm going to record them here. At least I'm writing a blog, right? And if this is all I can do, for now, I'm going to get the words out. If I can remember...

...the spice of dying leaves...mixing with the unmistakable pungency of wood-smoke from a great distance away...a great distance because the smell was spread evenly through the air, not concentrated on my left or right, as it would be if the fire were nearby...
...there, down that road, someone was cooking...apples...the smell of them so tart and fresh when it hit my nose I could almost hear the sound biting into me...the same sound I make biting into one of them...

Don't forget my Lyndsi in your prayers...

Today's Theme: Holy Crap--October 17, 2013

First of all--I LOST THREE MORE POUNDS.
Booyah! This "Tickets to Scotland Diet" is working great! If you need to lose some weight, I suggest making a plan to do the one thing you've always dreamed of doing, only imagine yourself doing it in smaller clothes. Maybe it will work for you too.

The phone call I was hoping for today, from the office landlord, did not come. Maybe they'll have the contract ready tomorrow.

I spent the day shopping for the big birthday dinner we'd planned for our two sons. Then I tried to cook while watching the granddaughters. Needless to say, dinner was served late. Then, after everyone started leaving, my daughter had to be rushed to the emergency room again. So scary. False alarm, though. Everything still looks fine. But fear is a draining thing.

So.
I'm headed to bed a little early. The twins are sleeping over and will wake me early.

My current plan is to sneak away from all gatherings to get some editing done. There is no way I'm going to get even one project edited and out before the end of the month, let alone two. But really, I have to. It's ridiculous how unproductive I've been. I can go through a day, all the way to the end, before I remember I'm supposedly a writer with work to do.

Sigh.
Tomorrow, then.
I shall endeavor to persevere.

What about you?